Get off my lawn you damn kids

purgaytory:

i feel like my clumsiness is going to be the death of me like one day i’ll trip down the stairs and fatally injure myself and my last words will be “help i’ve fallen and i can’t get up” and then me laughing at my own joke

When someone walks slower than me: omfg your slow ass is clogging up the hallway for the rest of us put some pep in your step grandma
When someone walks faster than me: jesus christ are you on the run from the police this isn't a race you can tone it down usain bolt
When someone walks at the same pace as me: who gave your creepy ass permission to walk with me get the fuck away before I call the cops